The timing of going to church that first time was everything. It wasn't long before Mark and I made the commitment to go each Sunday - as soon as we were reassured that we didn't have the worst behaved children in the area and that, yes, they would be welcomed into the Sunday Club.

Funnily enough, one of the very first people that came up to say hello figured out who I was because she recognised my son from when he was younger. She was a childminder and knew who he was from the various toddler groups that she attended alongside my son's childminder. God is so amazing as she is now one of my closest and loved friends (I'm going to need to find a way to get my other church bestie into this blog or she'll get stroppy!). 

At that time, I was going through a pretty rubbish time at work. I'd started a new job possibly the year before and had inherited the most challenging class of my entire career. I worked my absolute socks off at the school and made such a difference to that group of previously unloved children - but it wasn't enough and they did appallingly badly at their Year 6 SATs. One thing led to another and I found myself absolutely dreading going in and my self-esteem took the biggest nose-dive known. We were studying the book of Job in church and I had recently joined a Home Group. Gradually the pieces of the puzzle were being put together. I was slowly beginning to understand that I needed to confess my sins to God - the biggest one being that I hadn't acknowledged Him for who He was all my life (that one still pains me to this day). I was beginning to understand the reason that Jesus became a human on this earth and why He died. But I hadn't really joined all the things together to see the complete relevance to me.

In church, our Pastor - whilst still ploughing through the book of Job (it's a tough book so ploughing is the right word!) - was really emphatic one Sunday that if we wanted to see God more in our lives, we just needed to ask Him. I remember him on the stage almost shouting out to God - "I WANT TO SEE MORE OF YOU IN MY LIFE." Skip forward to the next week. I was in the staff toilet, wearing a red dress (I don't know why I remember that), crying, and pleading with God that I wanted Him more in my life. 

Mark and I love modern country music and Carrie Underwood is one of my favourites. I love knowing that she's Christian and that I'll meet her in Heaven one day! She has a song, that's probably quite old now, that really resonated with me at that time. That time when I felt that everything I was doing was falling apart. The compliments that I had received all through the previous year had turned to complaints and criticisms. I didn't understand why, for the first time in my successful career, things were unravelling and I felt out of control. The song is called 'Jesus take the Wheel'. Please find it on Spotify if you aren't familiar with it; it's beautiful. Really listen to the words. It summed up the whole situation. I was floundering through my own efforts, I shouted out to God that I wanted Him more in my life, and finally realised that Jesus needed to take my wheel as I couldn't do anything on my own. Well, I could try but I would fail. 

It took a bit of time, but it all worked out. That was my moment of knowing I was a Christian. I called out to Him and not only did He listen, but He answered. I asked God to forgive me for all that I'd done wrong, I acknowledged who He was, and I finally let Jesus take my wheel.